Marriage & Wedding Vows

We have a collection of wedding vows that we make available to the couples we marry. These cover the whole range of styles, including traditional, religious, customized, romantic, multi-cultural, interfaith, etc. A "vow" is a solemn, unconditional promise, made in the presence of witnesses. The promise can include things that will be said or done, and/or things that will not be said or done.

There are basically three different ways to exchange wedding vows. Traditionally all of them have the Groom say his vows first, followed in turn by the Bride. In some cases the couple may choose to say them in unison to each other. Usually the couple will face each other and join hands for their vows.

"Question and Answer" Vow: The first kind of vow, very traditional, is for the wedding officiant (minister, priest, judge, etc.) to ask a question of the Groom, and then the Bride, to which each responds, "I do." The most basic form would be something like this: (Officiant) "Do you, (Name), take (Name), to be your (wife/husband)?" (Groom/Bride Response) "I do."

The main advantage of this vow is that it is "quick and easy", and preferred by couples who may be a bit shy or self-conscious..

"Responsive" Vow: The second kind of vow, also quite traditional, is for the wedding officiant to say a certain number of sentences, each of which is repeated by the Groom, and then in turn by the Bride. Here is a classic one:

"I, (Name),
Take you, (Name),
To be my (wife/husband);
To have and to hold,
From this day forward,
For better, for worse,
For richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
To love and to cherish,
For our life together." (or, "As long as we both shall live.") 

This style of vow has a romantic elegance to it. It also seems more solemn and serious than the "question and answer vow." This is because the Groom and Bride are repeating the words of their vows, not just saying a quick, "I do" to what someone else says. The main criticism of this style of vow is that it can "sound like everyone else's." However, additional words and sentences can be added or inserted into this kind of vow to make it more personal and customized. But it will still "sound" traditional, more or less. Here is just one example out of the hundreds (or even thousands) of possibilities:

"I, (Name),
Take you, (Name),
To be none other than yourself.
I promise to stand by your side;
To encourage you, and be open and honest with you;
To laugh with you, and cry with you;
To always love and honor you;
Both freed and bound by our love,
For our life together." 

"Custom" Vow: The third kind of vow is actually a verbal "love letter" from one person to the other. A Groom and Bride usually express their feelings for the other, along with promises to do (and/or not to do) certain things. Most couples write them out and read them to the other during the ceremony. A few brave souls have tried to memorize them, usually needing to sneak a look at their written vows at some point.

One variation on custom vows is that these words can also be a "personal statement of love and commitment" that the Groom and Bride read to each other prior to the formal exchange of wedding vows.

EXAMPLE 1: "(Name), our miracle lies in the path we have chosen together. I enter into this marriage with you, knowing that the true magic of love is not to avoid changes, but to navigate them successfully. Let us commit to the miracle of making each day work together. Respecting each other, we commit to live our lives together for all the days to come. I ask you to share this world with me, for good and ill. Be my partner, and I will be yours."

EXAMPLE 2: “(Name), you have filled my world with meaning. You have made me so happy and more fulfilled as a person. Thank you for taking me as I am; loving me, and welcoming me into your heart. I promise to always love you, respect you as an individual, and to be faithful to you forever. Today I choose you to be my partner, and commit myself to you for the rest of my life.”

EXAMPLE 3: “From this day on, I choose you, my beloved (Name), to be my (husband/wife). To live with you and laugh with you; to stand by your side, and sleep in your arms; to be joy to your heart, and food for your soul; to bring out the best in you always, and, for you, to be the most that I can. I promise to laugh with you in good times, to struggle with you in bad; to solace you when you are downhearted; to wipe your tears with my hands; to comfort you with my body; to mirror you with my soul; to share with you all my riches and honors; to play with you as much as I can until we grow old; and, still loving each other sweetly and gladly, our lives shall come to an end.”

Many couples get inspired to write their own custom vows from watching the movies, or from TV "soap operas." Also, some people naturally "wear their heart on their sleeve", and this style of vow appeals to them. The main advantage, and challenge, of this type of vow is the opportunity for the Groom and Bride to put their deepest thoughts and feelings for each other into words.

Just remember that your promises are ones you really mean and intend to keep.

Sample 1

WEDDING CEREMONY

Dear family and friends of _____ and _____, we have been invited here today to share in a celebration of their love which will unite their lives in marriage.  Marriage is the symbol of the loving commitment that _____ and _____ have already made to one another.  At some point in time, you each searched your heart and your mind and offered yourself to the other as a partner, a friend and a lover.  That was the moment you were truly married.

Marriage is the conscious union of two lives that are joined together in intent and purpose.  It is the choosing to live together for the highest good of each, creating a new life together.   Remember to care for and tend to your own inner lives, each of you, ____ and _____, for only as you grow individually can you bring a whole self into this marriage, and only from wholeness can you give your deepest wisdom and your most understanding kindness.  _____ and _____ I know you ask from this marriage only those qualities that you are eager to give into it … your patience and kindness, your support and friendship and your respect for one another.

Today your separate lives, each with your individual memories and desires, hopes and dreams, will merge into a shared reality.  Will each of you, ____, and you, _____, agree together to bring into this union only those hopes and dreams, those memories and desires, which will truly benefit your life together?  (I will.)

_____, speaking to _____, please repeat these wedding vows to her.

• “I, _____, choose you, _____, to be my wife.  I will honour your individuality, respect your right to change, cherish your friendship, and trust your judgment.  I will be honest with you always, as we face our challenges together, and as we grow from our shared experience.”

_____, speaking to _____, please repeat these wedding vows to him.

• “I, _____, choose you, ______, to be my husband.  I will honour your individuality, respect your right to change, cherish your friendship, and trust your judgment.  I will be honest with you always, as we face our challenges together, and as we grow from our shared experience.”

I would now like to read from the essay on marriage by Kahlil Gibran.  He said:

• Love one another, but make not a bond of your love.
• Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
• Fill each other’s cup, yet drink not from the same cup.
• Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf.
• Sing and dance together and be joyous.
• But let each of you be alone, even as the strings of a lute
• Are alone even though the quiver with the same music.
• Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
• For only the hand of life can contain your hearts.
• And stand together, but not too near together,
• For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

May I have the rings?

_____, placing the ring you have for _____ on her finger, please speak these words after me:

• “I give you this ring as a symbol of my love.  May it always remind you of the commitment we make today to create a life filled with love and happiness.” 

_____, placing the ring you have for _____on his finger, please speak these words after me:

• “I give you this ring as a symbol of my love.  May it always remind you of the commitment we make today to create a life filled with love and happiness.” 

• Inasmuch as you, ____ and ____, have consented together in this union of marriage and witnessed the same before God and those present, and inasmuch as you have pledged your trust, love and joy to share with one another, I, Rev. Barbara Schreiner-Trudel, by virtue of the powers vested in me by the Marriage Act, do hereby pronounce you __________ and __________ to be husband and wife,

You may kiss the bride.

Rose Ceremony

Minister hands a long-stemmed white rose to each.

It is now my special privilege to be the first to address you as husband and wife and to have you present to each other this symbol of love.  In the language of flowers, the white rose is a symbol of the purest love, and these roses are the gift of love.

Please exchange these roses with each other.  In this exchange you are giving to each other your first gift as husband and wife.  It may be my hope that wherever you make your home, there will be a special place in it for white roses.

On the anniversary of this occasion you might choose to celebrate it by each bringing to the other a white rose as a restatement of your love and recommitment  of the vows you have made this day.  In every marriage there sometimes arises issues which are difficult to settle through words alone.  If and when such issues come to your marriage, if you will remember to bring your partner a white rose, they will see it, understand, and know it is a statement of your love.

Be wise, be stimulating, be compassionate, be exciting, be accepting, share new ideas, grow together and develop your life together as a wonderful adventure.

May the wonder of this holy day, when your love was new, be constantly renewed and reborn in your hearts and minds, day after day, year after year, as long as you both shall walk, hand in hand, heart to heart, on this beautiful earth.

Signing the register…

Dear friends and family please know with me that this love which they feel so strongly today is the power of life...,  It has no opposition and it cannot be lessened or destroyed by any outer event or any apparent physical limitation.  Rather, it grows and multiplies by their attention to it and their nurturing of it within themselves ... and by that action ... this marriage flourishes in all good things ... love and abundance, prosperity and health, peace and comfort, joy and fun, and above all, everlasting friendship.

Prayer and Blessing

Family and friends, it is my great honor to present to you Mr. And Mrs.___

Sample 2

Bridal Party process to:  “Drifting”

Dan and Angela enter to “special music”

Lisa :      PLEASE STAND FOR ANGELA AND DAN.

Good AFTERNOON  and Welcome:

Scott:  I’m Rev. Scott de Snoo, and this is Rev. Lisa de Snoo.   We’re the Pastors of the Spiritual Living Center of Greater Milwaukee. 

Lisa: On behalf of Angela and Jim and Deb and Dan, we warmly welcome you here to share in the sacredness of Angela and Jim’s marriage ceremony.  We are gathered here in great love to honor and celebrate the value, worth and beauty of Angela and Jim.

Rev. Scott:  We believe that Life in Infinite and changes forms.  Angela and Jim would like us to speak the names of their dear loved ones who have made their transition, but continue their life of spirit.  We honor them with great love:

Joyce St. George, John Parker, Laura Ball, and Otto Trejbal.  Their memory is alive in our hearts.

 Lisa:  Scott & I are so pleased to be here.  We feel like family.  Deb and Dan are the music directors at our church.  Angela serves on the Board of Trustees.  You may not have realized that Angie and Jim’s relationship today, their marriage and their future is based on Spirit. 

Scott:  I ask the traditional question:  Who gives this woman in marriage?

 Dan:   Her mother Deb, and I do.

Scott:  Opening Prayer Treatment to bless this marriage.

Lisa:   I know that all of you who are invited guests are here on purpose.  There are no accidents.  You symbolize the greater global community, the world at large.  A wedding is a symbolic, a spiritual and a legal declaration to make permanent the commitment that has already taken place in Angie and Jim’s hearts. 

There are many Faiths.  But only One God.  We are Religious Scientists.  That means we believe in Oneness, One God, One Divine Intelligence.  We believe in the Omnipresence, Omniscience and Omnipotence of this One Divine Creative Intelligence.  We seek the Golden Thread of Truth in all Faiths and Spiritual Traditions.   

Angela & Jim seek out the Truth for themselves, and have chosen each other based on their love of Truth and much soul searching and spiritual deepening together.   The relationship they had in college is not the same relationship they have today. 

Because this is a service about Love, we invite you to take the hand of the person next to you and join us in singing, “I am so Blessed”— the words are on a pumpkin colored paper on your seat.

CHANT: I am so Blessed.

Angela and Jim, please hold hands and look at each other.

What is a Marriage:  Rev. Scott

Reading by Kathleen – Hafiz: What is the Root?  With short history of Hafiz.

MUSIC BY JEFF AND DEB – Daniel Nahmod song.

Wedding Vows

Vows

Lisa:  I begin by reminding Angela and Jim that God is all there is, both seen and unseen, known and unknown.  I remind you that every breath you take is holy, every step every day is holy.  Every moment of  your marriage is holy.

JIM’S VOWS TO ANGELA  Lisa asks these:

 Jim--  Do you commit to emotional, mental and spiritual transparency to Angela?  Are you willing to be open to ever deepening levels of vulnerability, self-exposure and intimacy with each other?   If so,  say I do.  I DO.

Jim,  do you promised to hold your marriage as sacred, to honor, cherish and respect your wife, your marriage, to nurture and support Angela as a lifetime partner and wife?  If so, say, I do.  I DO.

Jim, do you commit to living the best life that you can, always striving for a grander idea of who you are, being willing to go deeper into understanding yourself?

If so, say, I do.  I DO.

Jim, do you commit to being a center for peace and grace?  Do you commit to happiness?   Do you commit  to living a life uncommon?  If so, say, I do.  I DO.

Jim, do you commit to support, honor and respect Angela’s dreams and vision for her life, always knowing the highest and best good for your wife?  If so, say, I do.

I DO

Jim, do you commit to being a beacon of light and love in your marriage, an uplifting presence in your marriage?  Do you commit to kindness?  If so, say, I DO.

Jim, do you commit to compassion, fun, laughter, romance -- the softest tenderness, honesty and flexibility in your marraige?  If so, say, I do.  I DO

Jim, do you commit to accepting who Angela is, to respecting her spiritual path, even though it may not be the same as yours?  If so, say I do.  I DO.

Jim, are you willing to be open and honest about any area in your life that needs healing and  are you willing to do the spiritual work necessary to bring that healing about?  This a  profound vow.   If so, say I do.

Jim, do you promise to be 100% responsible for your own happiness?  Do you promise to always look within yourself for your true spiritual guidance?  If so, say I DO.  I DO.

Jim, do you commit to being the best husband you can possibly be, will you love, honor and cherish Angela as long as you shall live?  If so, say, I do.   I DO.

Jim, do you promise to love Angela in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, through the joys and sorrows of this life?  If so, say I DO. 

ANGELA’S VOWS TO JIM  Scott asks these

Angela--  Do you commit to emotional, mental and spiritual transparency to Jim?  Are you willing to be open to ever deepening levels of vulnerability, self-exposure and intimacy with each other?   If so, say I do.  I DO.

Angela,  do you promised to hold your marriage as sacred, to honor, cherish and respect your wife, your marriage, to nurture and support Jim as a lifetime partner and husband?  If so, say, I do.  I DO.

Angela,  do you commit to living the best life that you can, always striving for a grander idea of who you are, being willing to go deeper into understanding yourself?  If so, say, I do.  I DO.

Angela, do you commit to being a center for peace and grace?  Do you commit to happiness?   Do you commit to living a life uncommon?  If so, say, I do.  I DO.

Angela, do you commit to support, honor and respect Jim’s dreams and vision for his  life, always knowing the highest and best good for your husband?  If so, say, I do.  I DO

Angela, do you commit to being a beacon of light and love in your marriage, an uplifting presence?  Do you commit to kindness?  If so, say, I DO.

Angela, do you commit to compassion, fun, laughter, romance and the softest tenderness, honesty and flexibility in your marriage?  If so, say, I do.  I DO

Angela, do you commit to accepting who Jim is, to respecting his spiritual path, even though it may not be the same as yours?  If so, say I do.  I DO.

Angela, are you willing to be open and honest about any area in your life that needs healing and do the spiritual work necessary to bring that healing about?  If so, say I do.  I DO.

Angela, do you promise to be 100% responsible for your own happiness, never looking outside, but always looking within for your true spiritual guidance?  If so, say I DO.  I DO.

Angela, do you commit to being the best wife and loving partner you can possibly be, will you love, honor and cherish Jim as long as you shall live?  If so, say, I do.   I DO.

Angela, do you promise to love Jim in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, through the joys and challenges of this life?  If so, say I DO. 

MUSIC BY JEFF BRAY  AND DEB AUKOFER

Community Vows: Lisa

Will the friends and family of the Angela and Jim please stand.

Do you promise to honor Angela and Jim as they discover who they are as husband and wife, do you promise to love them, honor their marriage and support them, to be their extended family in the world?   If so, say I Do.

Love is a circle.  It has no sides.  Do you promise to speak only words of good about the Bride and Groom.  Do you promise to say, see and do only what support and builds up for this couple and never tear down?     If so say, I do.

Thank you .  Please be seated.

READING BY LU Di Ciaula – Blessing for a Marriage by James Dillet Freeman.

Exchange of Rings

Will Katie and Cal please come forward with the rings?

Scott, blesses the rings.  The ring is the oldest symbol for God, etc. etc. etc.

Lisa:  Jim, repeat after me.

With this ring I thee wed. 

And place the ring on Angela’s finger.

Scott:  Angela, repeat after me,

With this ring, I thee wed.

And place the ring on Jim’s finger.

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Invite the Mom’s (Deb and Elaine) up to symbolically light the Unity candle, as they gave birth to the light that Jim and Angie are.  Mom’s remain on stage.

Deb Aukofer, Angie’s Mom

Elaine Parker, Jim’s Mom  each one lights a candle and gives to their children.

Scott:  Unity Ceremony

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Rose Ceremony:

Lisa

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 Thank you Moms.  You may be seated.

Lisa:

By the Power vested in me by the great state of Wisconsin, I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may kiss your bride.

The change of a name is symbolic of a change in our hearts.

Scott:

May I present

Mr. and Mrs. James Parker.

All please rise.

Lisa:

Unity Prayer of Protection

Sample 3

Who gives this woman to be married to this man?    On behalf of    and     I welcome you.

You are special in their lives and hearts, and they are honored that you could share in their celebration of love.

Each of you has given something to enrich their lives, and your love, guidance and encouragement will always be cherished.

Marriage is a commitment to life, to the best that two people can find and bring to one another. It offers opportunities for sharing and growth no other human relationship can equal. It is a physical and emotional joining that is promised for a lifetime.  Real love is the spiritual foundation upon which a happy and joyous relationship is built. It recognizes the goodliness of each other, and it ties together a bond of mutual trust and understanding.

As you enter into this marriage learn to respect your individual strengths and weaknesses, your individual outlooks, and to share your thoughts and experiences with one another.  Cherish the intimacy and understanding that comes with the passage of time and be happy that your love will continually redefine itself.

You come together today as willing, distinct and growing individuals, each true in your love, sound in spirit, each free to explore the dimensions of life in the spirit of unity, cooperation and trust, so may you awaken always to new discoveries and challenges as husband and wife.

Remember this day always. Remember its beauty, its joy and its promise. But most of all remember how you feel when you look at each other. For if you carry that with you everyday of your lives your marriage will be rich, and a lifetime of love will be yours to treasure.

   Will you have       as your Wife, to share your life openly, to speak the truth, to honor and care, to cherish and encourage her fulfillment as an individual through all the changes in your lives?

   Will you have      as your Husband to share your life openly, to speak the truth, to honor and care, to cherish and encourage his fulfillment as an individual through all the changes in your lives?

Marriage is or should be a total commitment of man and a woman to each other for a life time.   The unity candle represents such a commitment with the symbolism of two flames, two hearts, two souls, and two lives that join as one. 

I        take thee      to be my wedded wife, to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health to love and to cherish, I give you my love.

I       take thee      to be my wedded husband,  to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, I give you my love.

The rings you give and receive this day are the symbols of an endless love into which you enter as husband and wife.

Such a love has no beginning nor and end.  Two lives joined in one unbroken circle.

The rings please.   

Accept this ring as a symbol of my everlasting love and faithfulness. With this ring I thee wed.

Now that     and     have given themselves to each other by solemn vows and by the power vested in me by the State of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss your bride.

Congratulations!  May I now present to you,    Mr. and Mrs.