Getting Started

As wedding ministers or wedding officiants in the Waterloo Region, We are here to help you in starting to plan your wedding, and in getting the most out of this web site. Many couples getting married have asked me, "Where should we begin?" Here are some general guidelines and advice that should help you.

Right after you get engaged, you need to coordinate several things all at the same time. You need to get several choices from each category below, and then pick the single best date and time that satisfies everyone.

1. Picking dates and times that are acceptable to all the important people who must be at your wedding ceremony. This can include parents, bridesmaids, groomsmen, children, and others.
2. Picking dates and times that your wedding officiant is available to perform your wedding ceremony.
3. Picking dates and times that your location for the wedding ceremony is available.

You can "plot" it as a time line, with 3 rows stacked on top of each other. Put an "X" in each of the date/time slots that is acceptable to each party.

 For example:

The "X's" all have to line up, like "tic-tack-toe", in order for you to have the wedding ceremony take place. As you can see in the above example, only September 3rd is good for everybody. If you have other requirements for your wedding, you can simply add another row below the others. Prioritize them, with the most important consideration as the top row, etc. Obviously you must coordinate the times as well as the dates.

"Get It In Writing"

Almost every reputable vendor in the wedding "industry" uses a contract for their services: banquet halls and reception sites, photographers, DJ's, limousine services, etc. If you don't have a contract with them, you have no recourse if they don't provide exactly the services you thought you were paying for. Make sure you also get a commitment in writing from the person who will perform your wedding. Unfortunately, that includes officiants, too. "Trust me" isn't good enough. We always use a contract with each couple, specifying place, date and time.

The Importance of a "Wedding Script"

We don't know any Bride who would go to a wedding dress shop, give them a check, tell them to "pick out a nice dress" for her, and deliver it on her wedding day at a certain place and time. And we don't know any Groom who would go to a jeweler, give them a check, tell them to "pick out a couple of nice rings" for them, and deliver them on the wedding day. However, that is what 99% of the couples who get married do in one crucial aspect of their wedding: they tell the wedding officiant to in effect "say something nice" at their wedding ceremony. They have very little "warning" in advance as to what will actually be said at their ceremony, other than maybe the vows and ring exchange.

We have heard quite a few stories about things that have been said at weddings by other wedding officiants that the couple did not want said. Maybe you've heard some odd things yourself at a friend's wedding. Your wedding ceremony should say all the right things, the way you want them said, and nothing else. The only way to ensure this is to have the officiant provide you a written transcript of the planned ceremony in advance of your wedding. (You may consider writing up the ceremony yourself, but it's a lot of work, and not easy to do!)

We know that your uniqueness means that your wedding will not be the same as anyone else’s. That is because after meeting with each couple, we write up a completely customized and personalized wedding "script" just for them. And they have the whole script in their hands in advance of their wedding, so they can make any changes they wish. Yours can and should be a "perfect" wedding ceremony, which says the things you want in a beautiful and meaningful way.

More Q & A

Q. What are the three main choices to make for a customized wedding ceremony?

A. The three main choices of things to include in your ceremony are:

1. What kind of religious traditions. The choices range from a very traditional "church-style" wedding to no religious references at all. Many people like to include things like the Lord's Prayer, Bible or other religious readings, singing of hymns, etc. My recommendation is to include only what is meaningful to you, and not confuse a wedding ceremony with a Sunday morning church service.

2. What kind of romantic imagery. The most common types of romantic expressions are romantic readings, and the lighting of the "Unity Candle" by the couple. Other choices include special music, giving flowers to mothers, drinking wine together out of a "unity cup", singing to each other (Groom serenading the Bride), original poetry, the release of butterflies or doves after the ceremony, etc. There are a lot of creative ideas that you can borrow from others, or even think up yourself, but the rule is to be yourself.

3. What kind of cultural traditions. If you have a strong tradition from another country or culture, you may want to include that in your wedding ceremony and/or reception.

Q. What is the "best" way to have the parents, relatives, and wedding guests seated before the ceremony begins?

A. There are also no "right" or "wrong" answers here. First of all, it is customary, but not necessary, to have ushers seat the wedding guests. Groomsmen can also double as ushers until the ceremony begins. Usually the Bride's family and friends sit on the left side (as you approach the front), while Groom's side is on the right. But many people opt to have general seating, with no specified "Bride's side" or "Groom's side." Also, if there are a lot of people waiting and it is close to the starting time for the ceremony, the ushers should not hold the guests up to be seated, but simply direct them to find their own places.

Second, as far as when to seat "latecomers", you should be aware of what they do at "black tie" events like the symphony, opera, or a Broadway theater. As soon as the performance officially begins, the doors are closed shut, and no late-arriving guests are admitted until the intermission. This is out of respect for the performers, and for those in the audience who arrived on time. We believe the same principle should apply to a wedding. Once the wedding party starts the processional to the front, we think politeness dictates that all late-arriving guests should wait until the processional is complete, the Bride is presented to the Groom, and the audience sits down. Then latecomers can enter the room to take their seats. If there are ushers, they should politely inform the latecomers of this policy.

Third, We believe that all relatives, including parents and grandparents, should be seated before the bridal party begins the processional. This especially includes parents. This is out of respect for the wedding. The only exception is if you are having the Groom seat the parents. In this case, you would first have the wedding officiant walk to the front, then have the Groom seat the parents, and then he would stand at the front with the officiant. Then the procession of the bridal party (Groomsmen, Bridesmaids, etc.)  can begin. If anyone other than the Groom seats the parents, then all parents must take their seats before the processional begins. We believe it is disrespectful to the wedding and out of place to have any of the bridal party walk to the front, and then have the parents seated by an usher, etc. Instead of "honoring" them, it makes them look like latecomers who had trouble arriving on time to their own children's wedding!

Q. Which is better: having the Bridesmaids and Groomsmen walk in together at the start of the ceremony as couples, or having them walk in separately?

A. There is no "right" or "wrong" answer here. A simple answer is for the Bride to ask her Bridesmaids which they would prefer. Probably 90% will say they prefer to enter and exit as couples. Here are some other points to consider. First of all, many people in the bridal party are nervous about walking down an aisle by themselves (perhaps being concerned they might trip and look foolish), and welcome the opportunity to hold someone's arm. This is especially true if the ceremony is outside on something like a stone walkway where high heels can slip, or on grass where high heels can sink in. A wedding is about a couple coming together, and there is a symmetry to having the Bridesmaids and Groomsmen walk in and walk out as couples. Even if you have an odd number in your bridal party, a "threesome" looks fine. For these reasons, we usually recommend that Groomsmen escort Bridesmaids in a wedding ceremony.

Q. What is the purpose of having "readings" performed during a wedding ceremony?

A. We have quite a few suggested readings on this website, both romantic readings and religious readings. It is wonderful to have a few romantic readings performed during a wedding ceremony, especially texts that have been recognized over time as "classics." If you want to search for some special reading in particular, you could go to the "Project Gutenberg" which has a massive amount of literature searchable online.

Here are a few guidelines. First of all, have two or three readings during your ceremony.  Keep it simple. Choose readings that are a paragraph or two in length. Second, never allow someone to "surprise" you with a reading. You'll have plenty of surprises at your reception (such as "toasts"), but maintain control over what is said at your wedding. The rule is that you pick the readings, and the readers. Third, it's often nice to have one or two romantic readings near the beginning of the ceremony to get people thinking about love, and then a final, special one near the end as the concluding thought.

Q. What is a "Unity Candle", and why is it often used in a wedding ceremony?

A. A wedding ceremony usually includes romantic imagery. The purpose of the imagery is to paint a picture of the words being spoken. Often couples will have two taper candles lit to represent their separate lives, and after the exchange of wedding vows and rings, they will light a third candle together. This "unity candle" represents their union, the joining of their two lives into one. It is purely a romantic image, without any religious implications.

There are two commons practices many couples do involving the unity candle that we believe detract from the beauty and simplicity of the imagery. First, some couples blow out their individual candles after they light the unity candle. It makes much more sense to keep those individual candles lit, because the couple is now both two separate people and one mystical union.

These candles are meant to be lit by the two people getting married, especially since they use those two candles to light the unity candle. A couple can then honor other special people with flowers, gifts etc..

One problem we've seen at many weddings is that the taper candles are lit near the beginning of the ceremony. Then by the time the couple is ready to light their Unity Candle, the tapers have burned way down to stubs. At this point the candles look kind of ugly, especially for the photos. It looks much better if the couple lights the taper candles just before they use them to light their Unity Candle. The photos of the candle lighting look much prettier this way. Another tip is to have a lit "votive" candle on the table with the candles, and to use the votive instead of matches or a grill lighter to light the tapers.

Also, for outdoor weddings where couples wish to light candles, having each candle placed inside an inexpensive glass cylinder, and the couple lights the candles with something like a gas "grill lighter" or long fireplace matches.

Our Wedding Services

The focus of the wedding is on YOU, the BRIDE and GROOM.

As the wedding ministers or wedding "officiants," we act as the directors or choreographers of a wonderful, happy celebration of love and commitment. Since it is YOUR wedding, it should include all the aspects of ceremony and celebration that are meaningful to you. It can be as traditional or as personal and customized as you wish.

We consult with each couple ahead of time and go over a wedding ceremony checklist. This consultation is usually in person, but can be done by telephone if preferred or necessary. Each couple chooses the order of service and the various personal aspects of the ceremony they want included. We cover all the questions about who, what, where, when, and how. Bridesmaids, Groomsmen, Flower Girl(s), Ring Bearer(s), ushers, parents, relatives, honored guests, music (live, recorded, solos, etc.), flowers, rings, candles, readings, sermon, vows, prayers, etc.

People who contact us today are interested in having their wedding ceremony in a location other than a church. We perform weddings in gardens, hotels, golf courses, private estates, beaches, and other places.

We are normally available for a rehearsal a day or more before the wedding. If the ceremony is relatively simple with a small wedding party, the rehearsal can be the same day just shortly before the wedding. However, it is best to have a separate rehearsal if there are a number of people involved.

We write up a completely customized and personalized "script" for each couple's wedding. In our message, with the couple's permission, we usually include some interesting facts about how they met, and what their dreams and goals are as they now move through life together. We have a very strong personal faith in God. However, it is not our place to use the marriage ceremony as a platform for my views. Instead, we concentrate on the wedding couple, and ask everyone to focus on the things that bring us together and help love to grow.

At least a week or two before the wedding we will send a copy of the entire wedding "script" to the couple for review. we send it by mail, fax, or e-mail. This gives them a chance to make sure the ceremony will include precisely all the things that are important to them. If there are any changes needed, we have plenty of time to make them.

When the time comes for the rehearsal (or if there is none, then the wedding), everything should go like "clockwork" because of the "script." This extra effort to send each couple a "script" ahead of time is intended to give them peace of mind. The result is complete confidence and everything goes smoothly and according to their plan during their ceremony. After all the time and money spent planning your wedding, we want to do everything we can to make it organized to perfection.